So, we're awake at 6am grab a cup of tea and prepare for the day.
We wait as
long as possible to wake our daughter then head straight to the car. Feeling nervous and trying to sort ourselves out, we arrived at the hospital for
our 8 am appointment. Our starving little lady is climbing the walls, running the
corridors, waiting for her turn. It’s now 11.30 am, it’s been 16 hours since she
had food and...nap time has come and gone! Jessie is like a wild animal and I'm
expected to keep her calm going into surgery? She’s about to turn into a cannibal.
8am surgery? my bum! Even am starting to get annoyed!
The doctor had told us many times that the closed reduction may not work
for Jessie. So we were prepared for the worst news but our fingers were still
crossed as it's the lesser of two evils.
We take jessie down to surgery dancing and playing, trying to make this a
normal situation. I am appointed the bad parent...you all know the one - if it’s
sore or going to upset her it’s my job and Daddy gives the hugs all better. Thanks
very much Steve!
So in we go, I hold her tight, my little woman is a wriggly like monster. Can’t
jag her, she’s all over the place. Try the mask - I'm trying to hold her and not
break her neck at the same time. Finally after what seems hours, really only a
few seconds, she’s gone.
Be prepared, even when you work in hospitals, nothing can prepare you for your
own floppy baby. Its heart breaking and painful to see.
So the waiting is ok, to be honest we were starving. We left theatre and went
straight for the cafe. After 15 minutes, we headed back to wait, 5 mins later our
screaming baby was headed up the corridor cuddled into a staff member. My
husband - 'give me her' as he pretty much throws me and the staff, out the way. To be
fair, Steve is just a little protective, like an armoured tank! lol
So we can tell it didn’t work as her legs aren’t bright pink!
Strangely I am really happy, I have an extra few weeks with my baby’s legs -
woop woop!
My husband is not so happy; this just means our daughter has to be cut open,
why are you happy?
Fight 1. Because of DDH!
Well, were back to the waiting game but am still a little happy - I can bathe and
take my baby walks.
Hugs n kisses xx
Well tomorrow is the closed reduction!
We’ve been keeping our minds busy the last few days.
Visited the Vegas circus and the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse tribute and spent the
rest of our time visiting family but now its just me, in my dining room, googling
everything I need to know and don’t know, on hip dysplasia. Pen to-do lists, to-get lists and all with a little note at the bottom “Don’t fall to pieces".
Having a little writers block tonight, torn between trying to be strong and writing
a load of dribble about nothing! No one tells you that being a mother will
bring you such joy, while crumpling your womb with every step they take.
Wishing I could just pack up and run away with my baby and it would all go
away but knowing I cant. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and I have to
hand my baby over to doctors because, I am a mother and I will always do what’s
right for her.
Anyways, its took me over an hour just to write this small amount so...
I am going
to try to relax and run through my to do lists...again!
Keep your padre pio candle burning for us.
Hugs n hope xx
Just realised I haven’t been typing for a while.
To be honest with
everything going on, I just couldn’t be bothered :)
It was great to get away for a week enjoying the fun in the sun BUT the second
my bum hit the seat to go home, life and planning started again! Spica chairs, sleep
suits, cots, and highchairs plan, plan, plan because the day is coming and
I have just buried my head in the sand for a whole week!
Bean bag ordered, tot seat ordered wood bought, holiday abroad cancelled, puppy
purchased! Yeah that’s right! In the mist of our marathon we thought, hey lets
get a dog, it will be good for Jessie and a week later...we still feel it was one
of the best decisions we have made. Gizzy and Jessie are now the gruesome
twosome of our house, where one goes the other follows and after 3 days we were
pretty much toilet trained, why is it not that easy with a child?
Steve the builder. Can he build it? Yes he can :) after debating the pros
and cons of building our own spica chair the day had arrived, sunny
weather
outside and tools at the ready GO. My wonderful hubby built the thing in 12hrs even
tho it took me 3 days to paint the thing and I still haven’t finished!
The effect on me!
Well.... as a family were coping well, surviving and being
strong together. As a wife and mother things are a little more complicated. I
have a stress cleaning habit when life gets tough, I take it out on a bottle of
bleach. The spica chair building and work and the stress brought me to tears as
the mess was too much. How dare I leave a tub of paint sitting on the worktop? I
know this is pathetic but my way to handle stress is to clean or go a jog and
as a don’t really want to leave the house, the jog isn’t going to happen.
Family...
I understand that our family want to spend time with Jessie before
surgery but as a parent who doesn’t like my daughter leaving my side. I have
let go a little but I feel certain members are pushing my boundaries as a
parent, saying one thing, doing another - gets me so mad!
Everything’s personal when it comes to my baby I own that.
We can take her for a night? ehhhh no you can’t. Wit do you think we can’t
cope!!
I will get her this - ehhh no, do you think if she needs something we won’t
get it!!!
I know I'm not the only parent who goes through this. I'm not CRAZY...I
think!
Anyway, life has been hard the last few weeks, finishing everything off makes
it feel so final, it’s not just a thought we now have too take action.
Hugs, you're not alone if you’re reading this,
4 days to surgery
